final countdown...

Final countdown......
still left 2 hours ++ before reach year 2012... let's we countdown together..... :D
but the most saddest things is.. i need celebrate my new year by alone and this damn place!!!!
oh....
anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!!! LET'S WE HAPPILY WELCOME ARRIVAL OF YEAR 2012... !!!! :D

不管幸福来了没有。。。

开心就好。。。 :)

是时间睡觉了。。 大家晚安。。

学不会的爱情。。。。

I love this song so much... 学不会 by 林俊杰。。。

虽然我们恋爱很多次但是我们还是学不会去真正爱一个人。。。。

所以，我们还是永远学不会~~~ :(

hi... it's 28th December 2011. My birthday just passed 2 days ago that is 26th December 2011. Finally I am 21 years old.. but I don't feel happy at all. it's not because i am getting old but it do remind me that i am still nothing even 21 years old. i am still is the person who still live in dream and not ambitious at all. what am i doing right now?? please~~ someone tell me. what am i suppose to do? i had been living for 21 year but i still do not know what i want in my life. does it sound ridiculous? yes. is it... everyone enjoying their 21 life and celebrate their 21 birthday with joyful but i just celebrated it in this stupid place and nothing special.. this is not i want. i want everyone know that today is my birthday.. and the most i want receive the wish from him but he didn't do it. how sad am i..... everyone say that when is your birthday, you may make 3 wishes..
first wishes : i want to show to the people who look down at me and think i will fail that i can be
successful.
second wishes : i hope i can success in my life.
and my third wishes is i hope i can meet my Mr Right soon. and i hope i won't get hurt again by anyone because the feeling is not good to try. :(
alright... that's all i want to write... good night everyone...

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO SIUMEI..... :)
merry christmas and happy new year~~~~

i am so idiot!!!

i was been fooled by him again.... I swear I won't forgive him and I don't wish to see him again in my life!!!!!!! There are no men that can be trust~~~ i give up... :(

I am so stupid..... I am idiot..... T.T

give up on you...

It's been long time I didn't write blog. Now I still left 3 days and the half before back to my university. Time really passed so fast.. After this holiday, I need wait more 2 month that I can back home again. I really don't want back there. That place really is hell for me. Some more, I feel don't want leave him even though I know he wouldn't ask me to stay. You know what, he ask me to get back together with him. He say he feel so sorry because he leave me and all is his fault. He say this time he really will get serious with me and will love me much that he can... Should I believe him? For me now, it's really hard for me to put so much trust and faith on someone especially he was hurt me before. But from now, he just say by facebook and texting me. He never show to me that he is sincere to ask me back to him. Never.... That's mean he never understand me what I need. How I can put my trust on him anymore?? I really hope he can see this so he will understand my feeling. But I know he won't.... I think I can't trust him anymore and there is no more chances between us. I won't never trust on love anymore unless there is miracle happen in front of me... i rather love myself than anyone.. Men can't be trust!!!!!

It's quite a time I didn't write on this blog. It's probably I am too lazy to write or other reasons. Now I just started my third semester for my university life. However, I still feel so bored with this life. I can't stand with these life. I don't know why I want make myself so suffer. I found myself sometimes I really can't make any friend at here. Probably is my problem. Actually it's very hard for me to trust to one person. I don't know when the person is say true for me or when they can betray or cheat on me. Maybe because of this I hardly to trust them at all. The person that I love, he doesn't love me. Even looking on me.... Am I really too bad for you? I feel so disappointed on me. Forget it.... I don't want mention it anymore... :(

Am I am desperate right now? So what I desperate for? I guess money? Little..... But the most I desperate most for is love. I need someone to love and care me right now. In my heart, actually I need most is love and caring so much. But I will always say to others that money is most important for me in my life. I always say that I doesn't need a man in my life to take care of me because I doesn't need them. But I lie!!! I lie to everyone. I need a man in my life. I really get jealous to others that they can get a boyfriend so fast. But why is me still doesn't have a boyfriend? Is it me too choosy? I can't easily dating with others guy while I am not truly love them. I really need find a guy that really loyal and love to me forever. And I also need make sure that he is the one for me. Does that also too hard for me? When I can find him? Can you faster appear in front of me? I need you badly. That's all I want to say... now my heart more relieve after say it out. now i gotta continue my life..... :-(

All I need......

Oh God~~ What should I do now? I get fade up with my life. I just felt that my life no more colourful. All I got is black and white.. I need find back myself. But I don't know where I should start. I need some motivation. I also what happen to me recently. Actually I was thinking should I change my course now? I am not interested on this course at all. I want give up on it. I want learn what I like. I feel I am wasting my time now. I am waste my 3 years time with learning the course that I don't like. What should I do now? I am not a risk taker... I need some guide now. I want talk to someone but who willing to hear I talk? No one.. because I don't have true friends. They all just is faker for me. I can't accept their fake feeling on me. I am confused now.
I miss my family and HIM too. You know, I guess he have a new girlfriend. I suppose feel happy when I know he can live happily but I am not happy. But I am sad and angry. What he wrote on his status in facebook and some comment. He never wrote those things for me at all. Am I is a failed girlfriend? Or I am the worst girlfriend? I guess yes. I can't make him feel happy when with me. Because I am who I am. I can't be other else just because of you. I can't. I am sorry.... I can't be other and fake to you. I will feel guilty if I do so. But you all will never know. You will never who I am. Actually I just need someone to understand me. You just need understand me only. Is it too over for you? I am not cheerful person... I can't make anyone laugh. I am not the person but because I don't like you know my other side, so I had to pretend to be happy and always laugh. I read a lot of horoscope description. I am capricorn. And what they say that capricorn people is a person have full responsibility, workaholic, mature and so on. And also they mention that capricorn people don't like show off. About love, actually capricorn love to have a relationship but they are not dare to love other people. It's because they can't accept any hurting from their partner. Capricorn people is very serious about love. Once they get dating, they will do their best and give the best to their partner. They won't play with their love. That's why they scare to be hurt. It's really true. I scare to be hurt by my partner. I hate hear like ' I don't have any feeling on you' or ' how about we break up'.... So from now on, I am not dare to love other people... because I need a serious and mature guy that I can depending. Actually, you don't always see me so tough and not scare anything. Honestly, I am not strong like you think. In my world, I just a small girl that need to be loved by someone. Sometimes if i really get married, I willing to give up anything include my career and stay happily with my hubby. That is my dream..... <3 <3

i love you

you know what.. i never say about my family. because i don't like mention my family to my friends. i don't want they know so much about my family. actually, i quite jealous on some family that they so close and warm. but now, i can't feel any warmer from my family. it's doesn't like when i was kid. we always laugh... even me, my sister and brother always play together. i miss those moment. but now maybe we already grown up and have our own life to go. so day by day, our relationship become not close anymore. sometimes we always will argue. actually, i want say to them that i really do appreciate our family. but i just hard to say i care about them. i really wish we can back to our sweet time... i wish we never grow up. and for my parents, i am sorry if i always argue with you both... but my heart always be with you both. i wish i could back to home now and accompany you. i really miss you both. i just can say at here that i love you so much.....
mum and dad... i love you and you both will always is my great parents.....

i need someone.....

where all the friends when i needed them? where are you? i feel so lonely.... i really can't stand anymore. i hate the loneliness feeling so much.... i don't like to be lonely.. but who will know? no one will know. they won't care about my feeling.... even i treat them as my best friend. but what they repay to me? nothing... even just a single call or message. no.... am i really exist in their life? or i am just dreaming for whole my life? or am i too stupid that i treat them as my best friend? i really don't have a friend to talk. i looked on my phone book. is really a lot contacts in my phone list but none one of them i can call. no one...... i just hope that there have someone can sharing my feeling together. i feel so suffer.... i just need someone besides me when i need hug, warm and everything that can make me feel safe. i feel so unsecure....

heart broken

I still remember how we met... how we start to be together... i remember everything clearly. But do you still remember me? Do you will still looking on my facebook profile? If we meet up in the street or somewhere, do you will come and greet me? Do you know i so miss you right now? Every day, hour, minute and second i always miss and think of you. But you won't know it..... this time i really hurt so much. It's never recover since you said want break up with and you did not love me anymore...... I am heart broken~~~~ T.T

miserable again

hi... It's me again. I am back for blogging again. Today is friday and quite boring day for me. Nothing else I can do besides movie-ing. :D Maybe I need start do revision for marketing. Next tuesday will be my second mid term exam for marketing. I still got four chapter haven't read yet and yes, I am still in dreaming. My mind still in blurring condition. Oh gosh~~~ What am I doing right now? Until now, I still don't know what I am study for this whole semester. I just felt I live in my dream. Please.... someone help me!!!!

I start miss him again. OMG!!! Why he never leave from my mind till now??? I still can't forget about him. He always appear in my mind. Can you just leave from my life? I don't wish to live in your shadow anymore. Just GET OUT!!!!! >.<"

miserable

I am miserable right now. I don't know what I want to do now. Day by day, I felt loss my energy. I want find back myself. Who I am now? What happened to me? Can someone tell me? I still don't know what I want in my life. Sometimes I really get jealous on someone that they can find what they want. I need some inspiration and motivation now. I am lost~~~ I just felt that now I trapped in a huge jungle. I try to find road to get out from the jungle but I couldn't. I can find any road.. every surrounds on me so strange for me and dark. I am afraid. I need someone guide me out from the jungle. I wait.. wait.. wait... but the person never show up. Where the person gone? I need you badly... What I mean at here is I need happiness. I need love... I need caring... I need hugging. But no one love me anymore. I started felt I had been isolated.

Sometimes I wonder, when I can found my true love? I miss the moment I was been love, hugged, and..... I miss those moment with him. But I know we can't turning back anymore. God had given us second chance but we still can't make it succeed. Maybe all of this is fate. I believe on destiny. I know someday my true love will appear in front of me. Actually I still believe in love if I really can truly feel it with my heart. I hope I can find it soon~~~~ :-)

Gonna study hard for my final exam... good luck siu mei!!!! :D

my 1st blog in 2011

So this is my first blog in 2011. What i miss at here? oh ya.. happy new year 2011. Sorry that i late... I'm really not in mood to write blog. And some more, i lazy to write it. Currently, i already starting my second semester. And... i still not happy with my life now. It's getting worse. I so hate this place and people at here. I hate it so much.... I really want my previous life.. where i feel so free and nothing to do. I hate my life now. Especially my idiot friends... now i getting far from them because i don't like see them. They really make me eyesore... damn it!!! When i start talking about them, i really get mad. I don't know what my fault from my life that i can knew these friends... They really so embarrassing me so much... How come they don't know nowadays fashion? and lifestyle too.... they just like a kampung people come out to town... oh my god!!! okay. stop talking about them...
Valentine just gone.... i still remember i spent my first valentine with him. every single moment with him is my most precious moment for me... i remember it so clearly. sometimes when i recall back, my tears will falling down.... i am crying.... by alone. Who knows? The wong siu mei that they know is tough, no feeling when watch sad movie or love movie... you know what? i do.... i do have feeling but i just never show in front of you all. i hide it in my heart... and cry by myself in room.. I don't want you all look my crying face... I want hide all my sadness feeling from you. sometimes, i really felt i still love him. If now he find me back and asking for together, i probably will say yes because i do love you now. But i don't know i can handle it anymore... because that time you really make heart broken so badly.... till now, it never recover..... it's still bleeding and i crying every night when i remember how you treated me nicely and badly.... it's so hurt.....................