christmas and my birthday

today is christmas day... hmm... no plan.. every my friends busy going out with their own friends. i guess this year my christmas day is be lonely again... celebrate with myself... tomorrow is my birthday.. i also almost forget it if i didn't look back calendar. do anyone forget my birthday? especially him. do he forget about my birthday? do you think he will message me on tomorrow? i really don't know.. probably yes. he will forget my birthday. now i really don't think so much. i just want get through my life with happy and laughing. i don't want think about dating anymore because i know i won't happy with love. better love myself... xD
anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU SIU MEI!!!! finally, i am officially 20 year old... haha... i just start enjoy my 20 years old life....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! :-)

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recently, i started realize something that upset me. actually in my life, i don't have any true friend. all the friend that i thought will be my best friend or good to me doesn't care about me. i just felt that they just pretending in front of me. i can feel it... i just want find a friend to come out and watch movie or have a drink with me also so difficult. they give me a lot of excuse that i think unacceptable. if you really treat me as your good friend, no matter how many times you already watch the movies, you still will accompany me to watch again. but they aren't.... why? some of people think that i am a person who loves going out... i really love to but no one want accompany me. i don't have any friend that can call... you know, i'm just like them. sitting in my house for a month without going out with friend... but i still lying others i was happy hanging out with my friend because i don't want they know i actually is feel lonely. what can i do else? i just can tell lie.... because i know that i will be a lonely person in my life....
and some more, usually is me tease on other people but now... time is change. now i become the person who let other tease on me without fighting back. because i tired with that behavior. maybe i become more mature and i know doing like that is immature.... i don't want talk so much with that such person... you know what, i really quite sad when they doing like that to me.
i don't have friend.......
i don't have friend......
i don't have friend......
i don't have friend......
enough!!!!!
i like be lonely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!