my 1st blog in 2011

So this is my first blog in 2011. What i miss at here? oh ya.. happy new year 2011. Sorry that i late... I'm really not in mood to write blog. And some more, i lazy to write it. Currently, i already starting my second semester. And... i still not happy with my life now. It's getting worse. I so hate this place and people at here. I hate it so much.... I really want my previous life.. where i feel so free and nothing to do. I hate my life now. Especially my idiot friends... now i getting far from them because i don't like see them. They really make me eyesore... damn it!!! When i start talking about them, i really get mad. I don't know what my fault from my life that i can knew these friends... They really so embarrassing me so much... How come they don't know nowadays fashion? and lifestyle too.... they just like a kampung people come out to town... oh my god!!! okay. stop talking about them...
Valentine just gone.... i still remember i spent my first valentine with him. every single moment with him is my most precious moment for me... i remember it so clearly. sometimes when i recall back, my tears will falling down.... i am crying.... by alone. Who knows? The wong siu mei that they know is tough, no feeling when watch sad movie or love movie... you know what? i do.... i do have feeling but i just never show in front of you all. i hide it in my heart... and cry by myself in room.. I don't want you all look my crying face... I want hide all my sadness feeling from you. sometimes, i really felt i still love him. If now he find me back and asking for together, i probably will say yes because i do love you now. But i don't know i can handle it anymore... because that time you really make heart broken so badly.... till now, it never recover..... it's still bleeding and i crying every night when i remember how you treated me nicely and badly.... it's so hurt.....................

christmas and my birthday

today is christmas day... hmm... no plan.. every my friends busy going out with their own friends. i guess this year my christmas day is be lonely again... celebrate with myself... tomorrow is my birthday.. i also almost forget it if i didn't look back calendar. do anyone forget my birthday? especially him. do he forget about my birthday? do you think he will message me on tomorrow? i really don't know.. probably yes. he will forget my birthday. now i really don't think so much. i just want get through my life with happy and laughing. i don't want think about dating anymore because i know i won't happy with love. better love myself... xD
anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU SIU MEI!!!! finally, i am officially 20 year old... haha... i just start enjoy my 20 years old life....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! :-)

~~~

recently, i started realize something that upset me. actually in my life, i don't have any true friend. all the friend that i thought will be my best friend or good to me doesn't care about me. i just felt that they just pretending in front of me. i can feel it... i just want find a friend to come out and watch movie or have a drink with me also so difficult. they give me a lot of excuse that i think unacceptable. if you really treat me as your good friend, no matter how many times you already watch the movies, you still will accompany me to watch again. but they aren't.... why? some of people think that i am a person who loves going out... i really love to but no one want accompany me. i don't have any friend that can call... you know, i'm just like them. sitting in my house for a month without going out with friend... but i still lying others i was happy hanging out with my friend because i don't want they know i actually is feel lonely. what can i do else? i just can tell lie.... because i know that i will be a lonely person in my life....
and some more, usually is me tease on other people but now... time is change. now i become the person who let other tease on me without fighting back. because i tired with that behavior. maybe i become more mature and i know doing like that is immature.... i don't want talk so much with that such person... you know what, i really quite sad when they doing like that to me.
i don't have friend.......
i don't have friend......
i don't have friend......
i don't have friend......
enough!!!!!
i like be lonely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the friend that i shouldn't appreciate anymore

i'm totally disappointed with you. i never think you will do such things to me. i totally heart broken... from now on, i won't care so much to you anymore like i did before. please don't blame me because you force me to do like that to you. if you want blame, just blame on yourself. you know what, i can be cruel as you wish for... if you really want it. i really mad on you... >.<""'

from now on, i will lost you this friend in my life.

miss him badly

i feel so lonely. i need some courage from someone... please~~~ i really felt that now i just like useless person. exam is just around the corner but now i'm still in dreaming. i never try put any effort on my studies. i really so fail in my life... i fail everything. i need someone give me some advice and support... the love 1 had give up on me and the one that i love won't give me any courage and love because he will never know my feeling to him. yesterday i was had a dinner with him. he sit at my beside. i try being myself and give the best impression to him. i know we both won't happen anything but i just want he know actually i'm not bad at all. sometimes i really miss him badly till whole night my mind always thinking of him. even i was dreaming about him. he really give me a great impact since from first time i met him. i still remember how we met... it's so clearly in my mind now. i couldn't forget it. i think i'm really start insane without him. if i really be together with him, i really can feel safeness with him and love. his maturity really attracted me so much. i love be with these guy. i know he is not a very love romance but i know he can do much better if i know he deeply.
christmas and new year is near... i really this year i will have wonderful and memorable christmas and new year day... :-)

my true feeling..

actually, what is love? what is friendship? why till now i still can't feel it? let we start with friendship. in my life, no one was used to be my true friends till i found them. they are the people who are make me believe that in this world still have true friend spirit exist. i love being together and hang out with them. i'm happy that i can knew them in my life. when i saw them, they just like my stars that always bright me up so i won't always live in darkness. sometimes we can do some crazy stuff together but of course is legal things ya... we just like to yum cha together at same old place. haha.... i like it so much. when with them, i can be myself. talking jokes, tease them without no need thinking who they are. i just can say anything without thinking. you know, when i with others people chat, i need think about what i should say or shouldn't. is so suffering for me. is them.... they totally change my life ever. i love them so much... i really hope on future, we still is best best friend forever till we get old. i really can't imagine when we get old, how do we look like? sure some hold tongkat, wear grandpa/grandma clothes and our hair all become white.... so at here, i really wanna thanks to them..... Ling Kenn, Wei Pin, Onn Yong~~~
you three will be my true and best friend... it won't change till i die.
about love, i really didn't hope so much on it. in my life, i just will depends on myself... i won't count on others. and i will put all my love to my studies, career, family and myself. i just will trust myself. i trust that without guy, i still can live better... i will do the best as i can.. i won't make myself fail...
good luck siumei..... :-)