hi... it's 28th December 2011. My birthday just passed 2 days ago that is 26th December 2011. Finally I am 21 years old.. but I don't feel happy at all. it's not because i am getting old but it do remind me that i am still nothing even 21 years old. i am still is the person who still live in dream and not ambitious at all. what am i doing right now?? please~~ someone tell me. what am i suppose to do? i had been living for 21 year but i still do not know what i want in my life. does it sound ridiculous? yes. is it... everyone enjoying their 21 life and celebrate their 21 birthday with joyful but i just celebrated it in this stupid place and nothing special.. this is not i want. i want everyone know that today is my birthday.. and the most i want receive the wish from him but he didn't do it. how sad am i..... everyone say that when is your birthday, you may make 3 wishes..
first wishes : i want to show to the people who look down at me and think i will fail that i can be
successful.
second wishes : i hope i can success in my life.
and my third wishes is i hope i can meet my Mr Right soon. and i hope i won't get hurt again by anyone because the feeling is not good to try. :(
alright... that's all i want to write... good night everyone...

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO SIUMEI..... :)
merry christmas and happy new year~~~~

i am so idiot!!!

i was been fooled by him again.... I swear I won't forgive him and I don't wish to see him again in my life!!!!!!! There are no men that can be trust~~~ i give up... :(

I am so stupid..... I am idiot..... T.T

give up on you...

It's been long time I didn't write blog. Now I still left 3 days and the half before back to my university. Time really passed so fast.. After this holiday, I need wait more 2 month that I can back home again. I really don't want back there. That place really is hell for me. Some more, I feel don't want leave him even though I know he wouldn't ask me to stay. You know what, he ask me to get back together with him. He say he feel so sorry because he leave me and all is his fault. He say this time he really will get serious with me and will love me much that he can... Should I believe him? For me now, it's really hard for me to put so much trust and faith on someone especially he was hurt me before. But from now, he just say by facebook and texting me. He never show to me that he is sincere to ask me back to him. Never.... That's mean he never understand me what I need. How I can put my trust on him anymore?? I really hope he can see this so he will understand my feeling. But I know he won't.... I think I can't trust him anymore and there is no more chances between us. I won't never trust on love anymore unless there is miracle happen in front of me... i rather love myself than anyone.. Men can't be trust!!!!!

It's quite a time I didn't write on this blog. It's probably I am too lazy to write or other reasons. Now I just started my third semester for my university life. However, I still feel so bored with this life. I can't stand with these life. I don't know why I want make myself so suffer. I found myself sometimes I really can't make any friend at here. Probably is my problem. Actually it's very hard for me to trust to one person. I don't know when the person is say true for me or when they can betray or cheat on me. Maybe because of this I hardly to trust them at all. The person that I love, he doesn't love me. Even looking on me.... Am I really too bad for you? I feel so disappointed on me. Forget it.... I don't want mention it anymore... :(

Am I am desperate right now? So what I desperate for? I guess money? Little..... But the most I desperate most for is love. I need someone to love and care me right now. In my heart, actually I need most is love and caring so much. But I will always say to others that money is most important for me in my life. I always say that I doesn't need a man in my life to take care of me because I doesn't need them. But I lie!!! I lie to everyone. I need a man in my life. I really get jealous to others that they can get a boyfriend so fast. But why is me still doesn't have a boyfriend? Is it me too choosy? I can't easily dating with others guy while I am not truly love them. I really need find a guy that really loyal and love to me forever. And I also need make sure that he is the one for me. Does that also too hard for me? When I can find him? Can you faster appear in front of me? I need you badly. That's all I want to say... now my heart more relieve after say it out. now i gotta continue my life..... :-(

All I need......

Oh God~~ What should I do now? I get fade up with my life. I just felt that my life no more colourful. All I got is black and white.. I need find back myself. But I don't know where I should start. I need some motivation. I also what happen to me recently. Actually I was thinking should I change my course now? I am not interested on this course at all. I want give up on it. I want learn what I like. I feel I am wasting my time now. I am waste my 3 years time with learning the course that I don't like. What should I do now? I am not a risk taker... I need some guide now. I want talk to someone but who willing to hear I talk? No one.. because I don't have true friends. They all just is faker for me. I can't accept their fake feeling on me. I am confused now.
I miss my family and HIM too. You know, I guess he have a new girlfriend. I suppose feel happy when I know he can live happily but I am not happy. But I am sad and angry. What he wrote on his status in facebook and some comment. He never wrote those things for me at all. Am I is a failed girlfriend? Or I am the worst girlfriend? I guess yes. I can't make him feel happy when with me. Because I am who I am. I can't be other else just because of you. I can't. I am sorry.... I can't be other and fake to you. I will feel guilty if I do so. But you all will never know. You will never who I am. Actually I just need someone to understand me. You just need understand me only. Is it too over for you? I am not cheerful person... I can't make anyone laugh. I am not the person but because I don't like you know my other side, so I had to pretend to be happy and always laugh. I read a lot of horoscope description. I am capricorn. And what they say that capricorn people is a person have full responsibility, workaholic, mature and so on. And also they mention that capricorn people don't like show off. About love, actually capricorn love to have a relationship but they are not dare to love other people. It's because they can't accept any hurting from their partner. Capricorn people is very serious about love. Once they get dating, they will do their best and give the best to their partner. They won't play with their love. That's why they scare to be hurt. It's really true. I scare to be hurt by my partner. I hate hear like ' I don't have any feeling on you' or ' how about we break up'.... So from now on, I am not dare to love other people... because I need a serious and mature guy that I can depending. Actually, you don't always see me so tough and not scare anything. Honestly, I am not strong like you think. In my world, I just a small girl that need to be loved by someone. Sometimes if i really get married, I willing to give up anything include my career and stay happily with my hubby. That is my dream..... <3 <3