dating??

actually i also dont know what i want to write... my friend ask me to join her friends go to Taman Negara on next Monday... i really want go to this place for long time ady but i cant go. is all because financial problem. i dont hv much money to go because i really almost brankrupt jor.. even i got money, i also wont go 1 because i dont want go with them. i think you know why is it?? nevermind.. let me repeat again. it's because i dont like them so i dont want go with them. everytime is say that i dont hv money, why they are not believe me?? i dont know why la.. is my look seem like a have a lot money? i dont think so. so weird la.. haha.. XD actually these trip i still can go after my exam. so why i want so hurry want go. i'm not so stupid... is not worth if go now. maybe some say is worthy because got a lot friend accompany us and can play together. ya. i agree with that but hold on... if i wanna have fun in one trip, i would see i will go with who!! if them, definitely i will not comfortable because even i look at them one minutes, i will feel wanna vomit ady.. i really honest tell you that i really damn hate them a lot... i dont like see them even few second.. just left 5 months more then i can leave my stupid school and classmates... because of them, i cant enjoy my school life and i ady waste my 19 years old life.. i really so sad with that. from now on, i wont bother anything even they say i cruel or mean because i decide i dont want too close with them ady even my friend. they really influence a lot in my life and i feel regret because i knew them and treat as my friends once upon a time. i was so regret..... i tell to myself that i wont repeat my mistake anymore... i decide i want leave them. in my life, they already be deleted in my friends list... they are no more my friends.. for me, they just my passer by only. nothing relationship at all...
one of my friend ask me. "you already long time didnt go dating is it?". actually i took long time to reply him because i dont know how to answer. then i say "yala. where got guys want chase me." then he reply me back " how i know wor. maybe you got le and dont want tell us only. you want make it secret." let me tell you.. ya. i will make it secret because what for i tell everyone. but now i really dont have boyfriend and i also want meet a guy that can be my boyfriend. haha... but i know that's impossible la. why??
to be continued......
xoxo.. :-)

............

hello everyone... i'm back blogging again. now i'm on holiday but i didnt feel any holiday feeling at all. i feel so bored, tired, anxious and sometimes i will feel so mad to everything surrounding me. i dont know why i will feel like that. i felt that recently i really less talking with my friends. is really seem not like me at all. if compare than before me, i like talking with my friends and always hang out with them but now no more ady. now i dont like going out with them and even talking. i dont want talking with them... i dont want. i dont know why i can change until like this. maybe now i ady grow up and know how to think what is bad and good till become me too choosy ady. why i say like that?? it's because now i too choose friends... i like choose whose will qualify become my friends... that's me now... maybe you all will think me too mean or bad but that is the truth. i cant change myself because of somebody. that's not me at all. i like being myself.. i dont like pretend but sometimes i have to.. why i need to be pretend? because i dont want my friends leave me because they dont like me... but sometimes some of my friends is really annoyed me.. i dont want mention who is he or she.. maybe now he or she is reading my blog. who knows... do you think now i'm talking crap at here?? maybe..
last week i just got my economic exam marks.. i really so dissapointed with my marks. but i can blame who?? me, teacher or else? can anyone tell me??? i really feel wanna cry.. sometimes i think i really failed in my life.. i mean i failed everything..
haizz... now i lazy to write ady... whatever... tata.. T.T

exam

hihi... recently i really busy with my exam.. really so hard and suffer.. so i wont blogging this few day coz i want doing my revision... so, take care...
bye... :-)

my happiest day

FU-YOH..
finally MUET is over...
this few days really damn scared because of this exam

hey guys, let me tell u something. finally i can fool them cukup-cukup ady. haha...
this incident was happened on last Friday. i and with my others friend was celebrated my lovely friend, Ling Kenn birthday. so of course we will sharing the cake. but we didnt asked them to share together because we HATE them a lot. so we decided did not joined them. then when we celebrated it, they looked so angry because they did not knew about it at all... haha... i think they was really angry.. but i dont care about their feeling because i think they are not important for me at all... who are they for me?? hmm... let me think... i think they just is my enemy?? no..not so serious. i guess they just is my goofy friends... hahaha...
i'm really so mean... tomorrow i need facing them AGAIN... when i can finish my studies so i no need see them anymore.. haizz... i'm really boring when always see them. they are not fun at all... they just like a KAMPUNG GIRL!!!! they always act like stubborn... i mean everything they just act like just out from kampung. really feel shameful for them.... i dont know what filled inside their brain. one of them always like act silly in front of people. she think is very cute but for me is really ugly and stupid. whose girl like act silly like her?? maybe a lot... but definitely she is the most teruk 1... haha...
i dont know they or others can find my blog. maybe they does... if u're read it, pls keep your mouth shut... :-X

accept it.. T.T

today is already 3rd may 2009
time really passing so fast than i thought
i still got 5 months before my STPM exam
i'm really so scared...
i scared that i will fail in my exam.
please GOD bless me
that i can pass my exam well...
that's only my hope from YOU in my life.
from now on, i need study hard to achieve my target in exam
i wont let them look down on me..

LOVE??
WHAT IS LOVE?
can anyone answer me what is that?
i'm 19 and i still blurring about love.
is I still too young to understand yet?
or is myself problem?
actually, i really want experience in love but i always dont get the chances
i like to be loved
i like to hug
i like to be holding hand by someone that i love to
but.. but...
i just in dreaming only
i thought last time i will be changes and accept everything that i scared for..
but i still cant make it
day by day, i more depressed about this
sometimes i will feel moody and sad
no one can understand me and try console me
but..
now i just accept my current life...
i just obey it
T.T

my true feeling...

hihi... it's been quite long time i didnt blogging. actually i got many things wanna say to u all but i dont know where i should start. i want share my feeling with my friends but no one that i can trust. they just can be my ordinary friends but not best friends.. because they too fake.. i think... i really need a true friend that he or she will not pretend in front of me. maybe i too choosy but i wont change my mind. i will stand on my mind that i'm sure i will find my true friend..
by the way, just now i read his blog. i'm quite happy because he start blogging back. but i just know something that i dont know how i want convert the feeling. sad or happy or disappointed?? he say that he got new gf. actually i think we can start over but now i know i wont get the chance anymore. maybe we really dont have destiny. i think what happened at camp just a dream only. is already past... cant turn back. actually, i really want to dating but with my qualification, definitely really hard for me. i ady try my best to change myself but it's seem doesnt work at all. what's wrong with me?? i really dont know...
actually everytime i dating, i really scared especially when we have a date. i really dont have any confident because of my appearance. i feel shame ... shame at all. even i going out with my friends, i also felt like that... when i walking, i'm not dare to look other ppls coz i felt that they will laugh on me. i dont like that feeling.. but what i can do??? i hate myself... hate myself so much... but no one will understand me. no one!!!
today i really write too much ady.......................:-(

btw, today lee hom will be perform at bukit jalil. i really wanna go to his concert but i cant make it. maybe next time... next time sure i will go his concert.
wait me ya....